I’m Pisces.

Pisces, a water sign, is the last constellation of the zodiac. It’s symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, representing the constant division of Pisces’s attention between fantasy and reality. As the final sign, Pisces has absorbed every lesson — the joys and the pains, the hopes and the fears — learned by all of the other signs.

All self-respecting Pisces love water.

After all, we’re fish, right? We weren’t made to walk; a fact made painfully apparent by my chronically sore feet. From bunions, to a neuroma in the arch of my left foot to, now, the continually worsening symptoms of osteoarthritis in my feet and toes.

Give me a fish tail, some gills, a nice big ocean, clear of floating garbage piles, preferably.

I try to satisfy my love and, let’s face it, need for water by visiting our community pool on a daily basis. Thanks to a stint in Fort Myers, FL, and year-round water aerobics class, I’m able to fulfill my aquatic requirements and get some exercise, for a whole three months, that is.

The other nine months, I flounder, pun intended.

Myths and legends about mermaids have been around for centuries. The name comes from the French word for sea (mer) and maid (girl). Supposedly, beautiful women with fish tales, who spend their lives in the water had been spied by fisherman since ancient times. The fact that the origin is French makes perfect sense because many of my ancestors came from France; hence, my maiden name, Bulleit (Boilliat).

Ah, can’t you just see it. Lovely women frolicking in beautiful, turquoise water; not a care in the world. Problem is, Greek legend portrays them as vicious sirens; more than capable of stirring up storms, hurricanes, or other life-threatening circumstances for all who crossed their paths.

Capable of stirring up trouble? Yep. I’m still in the game!

As to their beauty; it’s been told that Christopher Columbus spotted a pair of mermaids and dubbed them the ugliest mermaids he’d ever seen. Chances are his mermaids were actually a pair of manatees.

As anyone will tell you, my love of manatees is well-documented. I have pictures, sculptures and jewelry; all dedicated to the sweet natured sea cow. In my eyes, manatees are beautiful. 

So sum it up, If being Pisces, loving the cool freedom of water, being French, and having a special place in my heart for manatees doesn’t elevate me to “mermaid-in-waiting” status, I don’t know what will.

I’d prefer, however, not to come back looking like this: